A guy and a girl meet online and after a great first date, decide to get together again the following week for dinner. He cooks. She brings wine. There’s flirty banter. After that, there are lots of witty text exchanges and talk of summer plans. Everything is going great. And then … poof! He vanishes without a trace. 

Ghosting, or the practice of ending a personal relationship suddenly and without explanation, is nothing new, really. It’s happened to the best of us. A 2023 Forbes study reported that 75% of those polled had ghosted or been ghosted themselves.

Prophesied by the oracle otherwise known as “Sex and the City,” the spectre appeared long before online dating apps, smart phones and getting left on “read.”

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Please turn your dating bible to the Book of Miranda 4:18: It’s like those guys you have the great second date with, and then never hear from them again. I pretend they died. She who speaketh from experience hath the last laugh — or cry, as the case may be.

Awhile back, a friend of mine texted me and another friend to weigh in on this guy she’d had a few dates with. “He’s acting weird,” she said.

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“Describe ‘weird,'” I replied.

“Well, he had redneckish vibes, ownership vibes and not-good-kiss vibes followed by kinky questions. And I’m like, I’m not even gonna get to that if I don’t want to kiss you.”

The other friend advised, “Block. Ghost. Sometimes people deserve to be ghosted.”

I honestly can’t remember what she ended up doing. But rereading this exchange about ghosting got me thinking about my own stance on the practice. I’m not a fan. My golden rule: Date unto others as you would have them date unto you.

Some of my friends beg to differ. As one of them said, “An annoying dude I met sent me voice memos that were more like essays analyzing my attachment style. It was like homework just to text him back. When we met in person he was short-short and douchey and way too intense about planning our future. I try not to ghost, but in this case I never responded to his last text — not even to say, ‘Hey, I’m not into this.'”

Another friend tells this story: “I dated a guy who spent winters in Park City. We hung out a lot and skied. I knew it wasn’t a long-term thing, but I had fun with him. We talked about hanging out over the summer, but then … nothing. A year or so later, I ran into him outside of the Vintage Room … AWKWARD. He sent me a text apologizing, but I never responded.” Ghost not lest you be ghosted.

Some of us hate being ghosted for its not knowing, its infuriating lack of closure. But as one of my friends said, “I don’t mind it because to me ghosting is an answer in itself. It tells you all you really need to know about that person.” Repeat after me: I am worthy, I am worthy, I am worthy.

But hey, the truth shall set you free. And while it might feel a little uncomfortable, it only takes a few keystrokes to be honest with someone. For the doubters, here’s some inspiration from ChatGPT that took about 15 seconds to compose. If a robot can do it, so can you.

Hey there, I wanted to take a moment to express my thoughts. I had a really great time with you, and I genuinely think you’re a wonderful person. However, after reflecting on our interactions, I realized that I don’t feel a romantic connection between us. I believe it’s important to be honest about these feelings. I want you to know that this doesn’t take away from the positive experiences we’ve shared. I truly wish you all the best in your search.

Go in peace. And feel free to copy and paste.

Our closing reading is also from the Book of Miranda, 3:16.

Miranda gets stood up on the first date by a guy named Will. Infuriated, she immediately calls his home number and begins railing on the woman who answers the phone. It’s Will’s mother. “I don’t know how you raised your son,” Miranda says angrily. “But he just stood me up for a date.”

“Will died today,” the mother replies.

The holy ghost giveth. And the holy ghost taketh away. In other words, maybe you shouldn’t take it so personally. Ghosts can only haunt you if you let them.